Press Release Tip 44

Skip the self-congratulation

Today’s lesson is courtesy of publicity expert Marcia Yudkin, and it comes straight from her excellent online course  “The Press Release Makeover Course.”

I love the course because with each “before and after” makeover, she explains exactly what she changed and why she changed it.

Marcia’s Makeover #8:
Self-Congratulation Has Its Limits

According to magazine and newspaper editors, the most common and most vexing weakness of the press releases they receive is a tone that resembles a sales pitch. To avoid this, don’t talk directly to the reader and ruthlessly edit out any adjectives that function primarily as self-praise.

In David James original release, the word “refreshing” in the headline and “great” in the second paragraph fall into the category of self-congratulatory evaluations and therefore need to come out.

The other major flaw in the first version is a totally unnecessary caginess about the fact that the Home Income Digest is a product for sale and not a free website. Magazines for special-interest audiences like to feature new products, and if they have some qualms about including complete ordering information, they can leave it out. If you include prices and where someone can buy, media mentions often incorporate the information buyers need to make a purchase. Notice here that the “after” release also provides a reason to visit the website for someone who has no intention of buying.

In the revised version I also added the number of business candidates examined and selected, which adds credibility, as well as more details about James’s screening criteria.

BEFORE

For: Home Income Digest, LLC, 1180 Chambers Rd. #110B, Columbus, OH 43212.

Contact: David James, (614) 486-0930

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

A Refreshing Approach: The Home Income Digest Publication Puts a New Twist on Successfully Starting Your Own Home-Based Business.

Columbus, OH, August 25 – If you’ve thought about starting your own home-based business, you’ve probably also cringed thinking about all the opportunities available out there. It’s overwhelming! The problem with starting your own business isn’t finding opportunities. The problem is finding legitimate opportunities. Thirty-six-year-old entrepreneur David James tossed away his engineering hat to take this challenge head-on.

At his Home Income Digest website at www.homeincomedigest.com, Dave gives great examples of real people running real businesses – and making real money. For several years, he had been painstakingly collecting home-
based business opportunities from every source imaginable: internet sites, magazines, newspapers, radio ads, television ads, telephone calls, free publications and word-of-mouth. He even ordered all of the supposedly “legitimate” work-at-home directories he could find.

“I think most people would be surprised to learn how many great small business opportunities there are out there” says James. “My biggest challenge was coming up with a system to screen out the (scam) companies who had little to offer but had still done everything right as far as their standing with the BBB, their local Chamber of Commerce, the Attorney General and so-forth. But a few well-placed calls to customers usually gives them away.”

Home Income Digest focuses on business opportunities that can be started from anywhere in the country and require low start-up costs. For a franchise to be included, it must have start-up costs under $20,000 – though most business listed are well below that, some as low as $100.

Business examples include home-based management, in-home consultation and on-site service. Two to three pages of detailed information is given on each business, including fees, order forms, pictures and contact information. A variety of business structures are available, part-time, full-time, seasonal, occasional – work is at your own pace with income based on your efforts. Extensive experience is not required.

Questions can be sent through the website www.homeincomedigest.com.

Copyright 2003-2004 Marcia Yudkin, http://www.Yudkin.com/. All rights reserved. Please ask for permission before reproducing, republishing or distributing any portion of this report for any purpose. (This copyright notice was in the book that Marcia turned into the course. It was not in the press release.)

AFTER

For: Home Income Digest, LLC, 1180 Chambers Rd. #110B, Columbus, OH 43212.
Contact: David James, (614) 486-0930, Email.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

New Publication, the Home Income Digest, Sifts Out Scams and Recommends Viable Opportunities for Home-Based Business Owner Wannabees

Columbus, OH, August 25 – For those searching for a way to make an honest living from home, the problem isn’t finding opportunities. The difficulty is finding legitimate opportunities. Thirty-six-year-old entrepreneur David James tossed away his engineering hat to take on this challenge head-on. For his newly published Home Income Digest (www.homeincomedigest.com), he whittled more than 500 possible home business candidates into just 40 that passed his stringent set of requirements.

“Most people are surprised to learn how many great small business opportunities there are out there,” says James. “My biggest challenge was coming up with a system to screen out the companies who had little to offer but had still done everything right as far as their standing with the Better Business Bureau, their local Chamber of Commerce, the Attorney General and so forth. But a few well-placed calls to customers usually gave them away.” James includes warnings about types of home businesses to avoid at the Home Income Digest website, ww.homeincomedigest.com.

The Home Income Digest focuses on businesses that can be started from anywhere in the country, have no educational requirements, have a clearly stated refund policy, are in good standing with the authorities and involve low start-up costs. For a franchise to be included, it must have start-up costs under $20,000 – though most businesses listed are well below that, some requiring as little as $100 to launch.

Businesses included range from home-based management to in-home consultation and on-site service. The Digest offers two to three pages of detailed information on each business, including fees, terms and conditions, photos and contact information. The diversity of the businesses enables readers to find the level of involvement that suits them best, whether part-time, full-time, seasonal or occasional.

“It took a lot of discipline to complete my first version,” notes James. “Twice I almost put my whole publication project on the shelf because I was so excited about some of the opportunities that I wanted to start them myself.”

The Home Income Digest, which is updated for accuracy every three months, costs $34.95 plus $2.50 shipping, or $28.95 for an instant download in PDF format. It can be ordered from www.homeincomedigest.com, by calling (614) 486-0930 or by sending a check or money order to Home Income Digest, LLC, 1180 Chambers Rd. #110B, Columbus, OH 43212.

The Home Income Digest, which is updated for accuracy every three months, costs $34.95 plus $2.50 shipping, or $28.95 for an instant download in PDF format. It can be ordered from www.homeincomedigest.com, by calling (614) 486-0930 or by sending a check or money order to Home Income Digest, LLC, 1180 Chambers Rd. #110B, Columbus, OH 43212.

If you want more “before” and “after” examples from Marcia, invest in “The Press Release Makeover Course.” You can see the course description and a free preview.

Opportunity #44 to write a press release: Name change

If you’re changing your name, or the name of your business, nonprofit, social group, school, etc., write a press release.  
 
Next: A makeover release for an event.